15 keys to have Good Relationships

Relationships are an important part of our life in fact the most important part . It is in relationship that we get to express love, happiness,  joy and other beautiful feelings. But now days relationships have become painful and we feel suffocated in them. The condition has become very critical and most of us don’t see an end to this . But there must be a solution to this challenge. So here are a few keys to bring harmony in relationships;

 

      1) Love Unconditionally 

          Don’t be selfish in relationships , don’t love other’s for selfish reason and don’t put conditions on your love. Learn to love unconditionally, just like a mother loves her child .

      2)   Communicate well

        A lot of disharmony in relationships is just because of bad communication. Always seek first to understand and then seek to be understood . Listen not just the word’s but the feelings as well. Empathize with other's if you want long lasting relationships.

      3)   Forgive and Forget 

          Let go off the past hurt , pain, resentment etc. Be easy to forgive and to forget. Don't let your past to ruin your present and future.

      4)   Don’t  Judge

           Just don’t put tag’s on other people for example 'they are like this only' or 'they can’t change' or    'they always do this to me' etc etc. Always remember that people change , do give them a chance.

      5)   Remember the Golden Rule

        Don’t do to other’s what you don’t want other’s to do to you . And do to them what you want them to do to you. This simple rule can bring a lot of harmony in relationships.

      6)   Be Flexible 

          A lot of times relationships don’t work because people are not ready to adjust. Be flexible and be ready to adjust if you want to bring harmony in the relationships.

      7)   Be genuinely interested  

          For wonderful relationships be as enthusiastic about other’s success and well being as you are about yourself. So be genuinely interested in other people and their development.

      8)   Have unlimited patience 

          Always remember that people are irreplaceable. So don’t put a limit on your patience while dealing with them. Once you loose them it can be be difficult to bring them back. 

      9)   Always look at the good

        Remember no one is perfect , everyone has both good and bad in them . It  depends on us what we look at . Looking at the brighter side will empower you and the other person . Also it will motivate them to change for good.

      10)  Give appreciation 

            Whenever you get the opportunity to appreciate other’s , go ahead and do that. People feel good when they are appreciated . They feel accepted and worthy .    

      11) Show gratitude and respect

             There are so many things that we can be thankful about. So don’t forget to show your gratitude, because it matters a lot . And it multiplies the thing you are thankful about. Also show respect to other’s perspective , even if they are wrong according to yours perspective.

      12)  Think Win-Win 

            Just live above the small thinking of win-loose (for me to win you have to loose), loose-win ( I loose you win) and loose-loose (If I can’t win how can I let you win) . Always think win-win (I am sure that I am going to win and I will help you to do the same). Win-Win thinking will eliminate the feeling of jealousy which destroys relationships .

      13)  Balance is the key 

            Don’t overdo and at same time don’t under do in relationships . You should know when to step in and when to step out in a relationship . There is a very thin line between being attached and being insensitive, this is the line of balance . When we live our life in balance we can experience harmony. 

      14)  Don’t argue 

            Discussions are good but arguing over small issues breaks relationships.

      15)  Be honest and show integrity 

              Say what you do and do what you say, this will enable people to trust you. And when trust is the foundation of a relationship, it can go on and on and on . . . . . . . .to eternity .

  

             These are a few keys to have Harmonious Relationships , we hope that you will find them useful and by using them in your life you will be able to to live a happy life.  

              Feel free to share your idea's about "How to have Good Relationships " .

Tale 56 ~ 100 Tales For 10,000 Buddhas

Meditation camp at Manali has started. Today, I go to see Osho in my regular clothes. He asks me, “Where is your orange dress? Why have you put it on?” I tell Him, “I will put it tomorrow.”

Next morning, I am dressed in my orange lunghi and kurta and have come to see Him before discourse with my girl friend Veena from Bombay. We both are waiting in the living room with much excitement. After a few minutes, He comes out of the bathroom. His face is very radiant with an aura of light around Him. He greets me with a big smile as I go neat Him to touch His feet. He blesses me placing His hand on my head.

As I get up, He says, “You look good in this dress. Now you are a Sannyasin. What name should be given to you?” He places a huge Mala with big beads around my neck. I am just surprised, not knowing what is going on. I take it all as a joke and simply laugh. He looks at Veena, and the name ‘Jyoti’ slips out of her mouth. Osho likes this name and says, “It is good name but not complete. ‘Dharm Jyoti’ will be the right name for you.” It all happens standing in the living room. That is how I am initiated into Sannyas. Not a big deal. I feel pulled towards Him and hug Him. He receives my hug, showering all His love on me by placing His hand on my head. I feel drowned in utter silence and joy.

Osho on How to Transcend Biology, Physiology

Osho – Man and woman are intimate enemies – enemies and yet intimate. If your woman is with you then you start feeling: how to be alone? When you are alone, after a few days you start a great thirst and hunger for your woman – how to be with her? If you are alone, appetite arises for love; if you are with somebody, the appetite disappears and you start thinking,
’Why not go to the Himalayas and sit silently in a cave? Why go on bothering with this nonsense?’ Just a few days ago Ramananda wrote a letter to me. First he used to live alone, then he got tired of aloneness – naturally. Everybody gets tired of aloneness, gets fed up with oneself. Nothing else to do, nowhere to go, nobody to look at, nobody to be with, nobody to hug, nobody to care for you or to care about.
He got tired and started looking for a woman – and when you look for trouble it comes! So then came Vani from faraway Germany, and they were both happy – as stories go. They were both happy. Then things started getting entangled, and there was conflict and fight and nagging – all natural things. Then for two days Vani was ill and Ramananda was alone again.
He enjoyed those two days like anything! He wrote me a letter: ’Osho, to be alone is so incredible, so beautiful, I have never known that aloneness is so beautiful.’ I told him, ’Wait, Ramananda! Just a few more days and you will start hankering.’
And this goes on and on, again and again. One has to understand. One has to understand how one functions, man or woman, and how the other functions. And don’t be too personal about it. It has nothing to do with you. It is just the man’s mind and the woman’s mind, it has nothing to do with Ramananda and Vani. It is basically biological. You have to understand it very impersonally, only then can you go beyond it, only then can you transcend it.
Watch every move that you make and watch every move that the woman makes. Listen to the deepest instinct, to what is happening. Don’t throw the responsibility on the other and don’t start feeling guilty that you are doing something wrong. Nobody is doing wrong. It is simply natural. But one can go beyond nature because there is a super-nature too. I am not saying that you are condemned to be natural, that you will remain always natural, no.
With understanding one becomes wiser, wiser than nature. One becomes more meditative than nature allows. And through that understanding there comes a liberation. But that liberation is so alchemical that it transforms you totally, radically. Then you are no more a man and your woman is no more a woman. Then you both become more like two spirits – man, woman, seem irrelevant.
And when a man is no more a man and a woman is no more a woman that means they are no more confined to their biologies, no more confined to their bodies – because the difference is only in the body. Beyond the body there is no difference. Hidden behind, you are the same. It is just the body, the medium, that makes the difference.
Once you have started learning how to go beyond the medium, how to transcend biology, physiology, then you have become only two spirits. And only two spirits can live in communion forever. Then there arises a new kind of love which I call friendship. Friendship is higher than your so-called love. Your so-called love is full of hate; friendship is pure love. All hate has disappeared. All conflict, nagging, fighting has disappeared.
All desire to dominate, possess, be jealous, has disappeared. Friendship is pure love. All that was not needed is no more there. All that was non-essential has, been left behind. Only the essential fragrance. Friendship is the fragrance of love. And remember that unless you and your wife become friends, you will never be at peace.

Osho – Don’t waste your time in trying to dominate others

Osho – Buddha says: MASTER YOURSELF…. If you are at all interested in mastery — and who is not interested? — then become interested in self-mastery. Don’t waste your time in trying to dominate others. The effort to dominate others creates political conflict; the whole world is full of it. Even in personal relationships politics enters and destroys them. Even when you love a woman or a man, the mind starts its cunning ways to dominate, to possess, to destroy the freedom of the other… because you are afraid. You are afraid that if YOU don’t dominate, the other is going to dominate you.

And for all those who want to dominate others, Machiavelli is the teacher. In India also a similar type of man has existed; his name was Chanakya. He preceded Machiavelli by thousands of years. Both men are the foundations of the extrovert mind; they have laid the foundations. And their first foundation is: the best way to defend yourself is to attack. Hence, before the other attacks you, attack the other. Before your wife starts dominating you, you dominate her, or before your husband starts dominating you, you dominate him.

Osho – When you want to be alone, simply say you want to be alone

A sannyasin, looking close to tears as he talked, told Osho that he was feeling very sad and was easily hurt, and had felt like this for several weeks but he was unable to say what he felt was the reason for this]
Osho asked his wife, who was also present, if she could comment, as her husband was not very clear about what was happening. Osho said that perhaps, unconsciously, he was avoiding facing up to the problem for fear that he would not be able to cope with it. He added that women are more perceptive than men about things pertaining to relationships, so perhaps she could be helpful.
She said that she was feeling a need to be alone lately – a feeling which was new to her – and that she thought this might be upsetting her husband, adding that she felt distant from him and wanted to have her own; space. She said she used to cling to him a lot before. Her husband said he felt rejected, ’wiped out’, but did not seem to see a connection between these feelings and his wife’s desire be alone.]

Osho – Now I understand exactly what the problem is. (to the husband) Because [your wife] has been always afraid of being alone, she was clinging to you and you enjoyed it, the ego enjoyed it. The male ego enjoys it very much when a woman goes on clinging. A woman is like a creeper, and the tree enjoys it tremendously – that the woman is dependent, mm? She was afraid of her aloneness, that’s why she was clinging to you. Now, the more meditative she will become, the more she will like to be alone – because that is the only way she can get rid of her fear. So she wants to be alone, to be left alone, and you feel as if you are not needed, rejected. But you are not rejected at all, and it is not that you are not needed.
In fact she is trying to stand on her own feet for the first time, and if you allow her and help her to stand on her own, only then will love be possible. Up to now it has not been love. She was clinging to you because of her fear, and you were enjoying that because of your ego – neither you nor she were in deep love. Now for the first time love is possible.
If you help her to be alone, to get rid of the fear, she will always be grateful to you. And when she can be alone, and out of her aloneness she calls you, then there will be love, because then there is no question of fear. Only then can she share herself with you. And it is going to be good for you also, because it is just the ego that is feeling hurt. Nothing else feels hurt, it is always the ego. The ego is like a wound – very touchy. You just touch it and it feels hurt. So she has been fulfilling your ego; now she wants to be alone and that hurts.
Try to understand. Let her be alone, leave her alone and give her more and more space. Whenever you feel that she needs to be alone, just move away – and she will love you tremendously for it because that is a gesture of love. When somebody needs to be alone you should leave them alone. If you love her, you understand the need – it is a growth need. And she will be grateful for it, more grateful than ever.
Remember always that if someone loves you out of fear, that love is bogus, because love cannot arise out of fear. It is an empty gesture. Love can arise only out of deep understanding, not out of fear. So this is going to help you both. And it was to come. Whenever a couple comes to me, the whole of their old pattern has to change, because they have lived in a certain relationship and now they start growing. That old relationship cannot contain you; you are becoming bigger and bigger. Your dresses were made for children and now they are too small and you feel confined.
So don’t cling to the old patterns; drop them. Help her to be alone. (addressing the wife) And… you remember not to hurt him unnecessarily. When you want to be alone, simply say you want to be alone. This too has to be understood, because many times we want to be alone but the way we express it is very ugly. We tell the other to go away or tell them that we don’t need or love them any more. We may say these things, when in fact all we wanted to say was that we wanted to be alone. So when you want to be alone, simply ask him and be very loving so that he can understand. If he is in a misunderstanding he will create trouble for you, and then growth becomes impossible.
You are both growing, and much love will happen. You are getting ready for it. Just a little waiting and patience is needed for it, mm? Don’t be worried. Within weeks you will see a totally new quality of love coming between you, flowing between you, and much understanding, Everything will be good.
Source: from Osho Book “Hammer on the Rock”